*. I didn’t think much of Sharknado, but Sharknado 2: The Second One was a little better, giving me some hope that the series was finding its stride and the series was on the rise.
*. With Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! these hopes were cruelly dashed. The humour is broader, but less funny. Even the novelty chainsaws feel played out. There are more cameos, and more faces I didn’t recognize. Who are these 10-minute celebs? The effects are, incredibly, worse than what we got in the previous film.
*. I’m not not even going to bother going over the plot. Basically Fin (Ian Ziering) is back to stop a mass of sharknados from combining and destroying the entire Eastern Seaboard. This involves him reuniting with Nova (Cassie Scerbo), his almost girlfriend from the first film, and his father, played by David Hasselhoff. The climax has him fighting sharks in space. Meanwhile his pregnant wife April (Tara Reid) is about to deliver a baby.
*. This is a terrible movie that I didn’t find entertaining even for a minute. There’s literally nothing to enjoy about it at all. Tara Reid may be the worst actor of her generation. I actually felt sorry for Bo Derek showing up and having absolutely nothing to do. Did she need the money that bad? I felt cheated in not seeing Ann Coulter (playing the vice president) being killed in some horrific fashion. The only interesting thing going on at all happened before the film started shooting. Apparently Donald Trump was going to play the president but then backed out when he started to think he wanted the job for real. Then, when Mark Cuban was cast as the Prez, Trump went into a rage and threatened to sue the producers. Oh what might have (and what might not have) been!
*. I assume the people who made this movie found it all amusing, as they went on to make more. But the joke is on anyone who wasted their time watching it. So laugh at me, I deserve it. The rest should be silence.
Sharks in Space?? Sounds dreadful, I think I’ll stick with pigs.
PIgs were better. That’s a wrap for Sharknado! Only a couple of sharky movies left!
Well it’s been different!
Why are you doing this to yourself?
A sense of duty.
The public. Posterity. Pop culture. My many fans.
Haha, but seriously. Why would you mortify those who are unfortunate enough to know you by reviewing this?
Do you feel mortified? I thought that was more the job of the kirk.
Well, I do my part.
You certainly do your part in terms of mortifying the rest of us. Why are you watching this rubbish? Ever tried reading, or going out of your bin? Get a grip!
Just posted two new book reviews this morning. Try to keep up! Now off to the bins. It’s early hours in the New World.
Are there two new Nancy Drew books out? Maybe we should move you into a higher reading group. But not if this is your idea of a film…
There is a new Nancy Drew! It’s called The Mystery of the Scottish Scribbler. It’s about some crazy old coot who writes all kinds of nasty things online about the nice kids Nancy hangs out with. I haven’t finished it yet, but I’m looking forward to his unmasking and comeuppance! The good guys always win in Nancy’s world.
You are Nancy Drew.
Intelligent? Capable? Good-looking? Popular? You riot in flattery.
I’ll riot in your fetid midden if you don’t watch is, Bunty. Is that the only book you’ve read? Nancy Drew? Noddy?
Well you have to admit Nancy is a few reading levels above your Top Cat colouring books. Or have you moved up to stickers?
You’ve never read a book that wasn’t made of cloth, admit it! We’d hope you’d graduate to pop-up books, but you don’t seem to have the concentration span. Pity!
You are the only Creative Scotland grant application that didn’t get approved for funding.
Haha, my job used to be to interview everyone who got CS funding. An eye-opening thing to do. I think out of 80 projects funded, two made any kind of profit.
Your bedtime reading is the instructions on the back of your inhaler.
And yet you couldn’t take that information and get any money for your Potato Men sequel.
I took that project away from them because it had high end potential in Hollywood. Bitter because no-one would fund your Pamela Anderson biopic? A crude photoshop of her on the toilet was clearly not enough to get funding in place…
The Canada Art Council doesn’t subsidize the strange fantasies of Scottish weirdos, so that project was never going anywhere. Though Pam would have counted as Canadian content.
Off to the library! Want me to see if they have any new plastic dinosaurs for you to play with should you drop by?
No, I’m busy with the literature section. I can point it out to you, it’s obvious that you’ve never been to that part of the library. The potato printing section has kept you busy, from all accounts. Just try not to mash the plasticine into the carpet, Alex, the cleaners say it’s hard to get it back out. And no screenshotting in the toilets, not after the last debacle!
Sharks in space, oh man, I love it. The idea anyway.
Of course, I didn’t love the movie. I gave up here too as the badness was just plain bad and not even amusing.
I think they jumped the shark, into space.
They certainly did 😀
Shame about Trump. Would have loved to have seen that! Guess it shows everything is beyond satire now… Not that Sharknado 3 is satire.
We’ll just have to make do with Home Alone 2 and reruns of the The Apprentice.