Frozen (2010)

*. You already know from the movie poster, if not the trailer, where this is going. Three young people stranded on a ski lift. So get them up there already! Do we really want to get know Dan and Parker and Joe any better? I think after the first minute or so the answer has to be no.
*. Alas, for all its originality — and it really is an interesting, if far-fetched, premise — Frozen has to follow the rules. So there’s a first act where we find out that we really don’t like these people very much. Maybe we don’t want to see them horribly murdered, as we would if this were a slasher movie, but we don’t want to spend any more time with them than is necessary.
*. There’s a point to make here. Frozen does a respectable job dealing out its few suspenseful sequences, but the rest of the movie, the filler, is dreadful. There’s nothing natural, engaging, or interesting about it, and it all sounds horribly scripted, like when they bring in the heavy foreshadowing by talking about the most horrible ways to die. Then the talky scenes are awkwardly shoe-horned into the story just to provide breaks in the action, giving the proceedings a terrible lurching quality.
*. One also supposes the talk was meant to pad out the running time. This is not a movie that has a lot going on, and it struggles hard to get to 90 minutes.
*. In fact, I’m inclined to call the whole script garbage. Writer-director Adam Green says he came up with the concept in 20 seconds and I don’t think it could have taken him much more than that to write out the rest of it. Yes, you can have some fun playing the game of “what would I do if this happened to me?” but doing so only reinforces one’s impression that these kids aren’t very smart. Meanwhile nothing about the plot is even remotely realistic — from the way nobody seems to suffer from hypothermia or shock to the behaviour of the wolves.
*. I could spend a lot of time criticizing all the little stupidities, like why Joe doesn’t try to get on top of the cable and crawl along it, or why they don’t try to make a rope from their clothes (they even have scarves they could use!). One thing that stuck out the most was Parker falling asleep with her bare hand on the iron safety bar all night. Instead of sticking it into her pants next to her body! Instead of doing any more of this, however, I will offer up a sort of public service announcement. When one is falling from a great height, one should always try to roll upon impact. Do not, and I mean never, attempt to “stick” a landing on your feet. Knowing this saved me serious injury as a young man. It may help you as well some day!
*. Does any of this matter? What if you just checked your brain at the door? Well, for the reasons I’ve mentioned I don’t think the script is any good. Nor did I care much for the performances. And if you’re looking for violence or gore you’re going to come up empty there as well. It remains an interesting sort of idea for a movie, but one that little effort seems to have been put into, leading to predictably meager results.

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